Past, Present, and Future Tension
by Question the Majority
Summary: Mayhem ensues when the Planet Express crew find themselves marooned in InuYasha's Fuedal Japan, thanks to the Professor's interdimensional waste disposal unit. However can they survive in a world full of deranged youkai and mania inducing Japanese liqour?


**Disclaimer Mumbo-Jumbo: **I own both Futurama _and_ InuYasha. Heh, nah, I don't. I was just making sure you were paying attention! –Matt

**Past, Present, and Future Tension**

A Futurama/InuYasha crossover by Matt Garner

(With special thanks to Heather Garner, Seth Garner, and Brentt Terry for several joke suggestions and plot elements.

And to Mike: The Boy With No Last Name for the gloriously campy InuYasha-style title.)

**Chapter 1**

**Back to the Future, Back to the Past! The Clash of Time Begins!**

"Good news, everyone!"

Professor Farnsworth toddled into the Planet Express break room, wasting no time in making his latest announcement. "I've just received a shamefully excessive grant from President Nixon to wipe out the useless masses of refuse that, until now, have been taking up valuable space on our planet!"

"So you're finally gonna' do something about Fry?" Bender queried.

"Oh, my, no!" laughed the Professor as he excitedly corralled his employees into the conference room/docking bay to illustrate his point.

"O' course not, ya tin can!" Hermes snapped, "He's talkin' about dat crustaceous freeloadin' freak, Zoidberg!"

Answering Hermes' complaint, the freeloading crab monster in question looked up from the garbage can that he was currently gobbling goodies from. "Did somebody call upon Zoidberg, perhaps?"

Puttering off toward his end of the conference table, Farnsworth brushed his hands dismissively toward his bickering employees and continued his explanation. "As I was saying," he went on, "I've perfected my dimensional waste-disposal device! Whereas it formerly transported objects only a few feet away, it now effectively sends physical matter careening off into another dimension! OBSERVE!"

With a sudden burst of strength, the Professor snatched the garbage can out from under Zoidberg, who promptly fell flat on his face. Rising up from his spot on the floor, Dr. Zoidberg stretched out one claw and growled, "Zoidberg was willing to share his feast! What's with all the stealing, I ask you?" His plaintive cry then faded away into a heartbroken **"NOOOOOOOO!"** as Farnsworth proceeded to empty the contents of the can into a whirling vortex that appeared before him. Finished with this task, Farnsworth calmly pressed a button located on the conference table, causing the portal to vanish with a small "pop."

"Wait a minute, Professor," Leela chided amidst the sound of everyone's clapping and Zoidberg's mourning the loss of his cherished treats, "You mean to tell me that you plan to dump all the world's garbage into another dimension and just forget about it? Don't you have even the slightest pangs of guilt concerning the livelihood of whoever lives there?"

"Oh, look, it's Queen Nagasaurus!" Farnsworth immediately snarled in defense, throwing his palsied hands into the air, "From the Planet Bitchatron!"

Fry cackled derisively. "Hahaha! He sure got you, Leela!"

Leela's elbow moved of its own free will to collide with Fry's stomach.

"**OOF!" **

Still defending his argument, the Professor added "Why the heck should I care about the fate of another dimension? Everyone there is probably _evil_ anyway! You know how it is with those alternate dimensions! HEY!" This last bit, the exclaimed "hey!" was in response to an orange that had suddenly flown out of another portal in the wall and collided with the side of his head. Grumbling angrily, Prof. Farnsworth reached into the pockets of his lab coat to produce a notepad and a pen, quickly scribbled the message "Quit throwing your garbage into our dimension!" and tossed it back into the mysterious portal before it had the chance to disappear.

"Blasted kids and their sick pranks! Now, er, ah… Where was I? OH, YES! I've been hired to save the world from pollution! Er… Were you saying something, Leela?"

Defeated, Leela sighed and rolled her eye as the remainder of the Planet Express crew congratulated their boss. "Forget about it, Professor…"

**Meanwhile…**

"Ahhh… What a beautiful day," Kagome sighed, smiling as a gentle breeze rustled her long, jet black hair.

Her friends, seated with her on the small hill, sighed as well. All except for InuYasha, who couldn't be bothered to admit that he received any sort of aesthetic thrill whatsoever from the glories of Creation.

"One of the best things about being able to visit you guys in the past," she continued, letting her eyes take in the beautiful splendor of the Japanese countryside, "is being able to enjoy the world before all of the cities and pollution took up so much space…"

Ever curious about the world around him, Shippo crawled into Kagome's lap and tugged on her shirt, his bright green eyes gazing up into her face. "What's that word you used, Kagome? 'Pollution'? What's that?"

As if in answer to the little youkai's question, a whirling vortex opened directly above the small group of friends and unceremoniously dumped an entire can's worth of garbage onto their heads.

"Hey, look!" Miroku exclaimed, clutching a discarded newspaper from the pile of trash, as everyone else gagged and coughed in disgust, "Coupons for 30 percent off Mom's Old-Fashioned Robot Oil!"

"Eh, that stuff's a rip-off anyway," snarled InuYasha in response, leaving the rest of his friends to rid themselves of the disgusting heap of trash and the audience to wonder 1) how Miroku could read and understand something written in English and, 2) how InuYasha knew what the heck "Mom's Old-Fashioned Robot Oil" was in the first place.

**TO BE CONTINUED, WHYNOT?**


End file.
